I sent this blog link to a few of my closest friends. Anonymity with them isn’t an issue because I overshare with them already in real life. But of course, now that I know I have readers (well, at least one!) and while that gratifies the self-centered exhibitionist within me, it also forces my ugly, self-protective and image conscious self out glaringly to the surface. And nowhere does it do that the most when it comes to race.

You see, I wanted to talk about how I am looking (albeit, very passively) for a church to start attending and put down roots. But I immediately began to self-edit because I don’t want to sound racist to my own friends. (Of course, we are everyone at least a little bit racist. But no one wants to SEEM racist.)

But whatever. I do not want to edit myself on my own damn blog because I want to look better than I really am. So, here we go.

Where I live, there is a glut of churches – but most of them are white-culture dominant. I really do not want that because of all places, I want to be as authentic as possible within a church environment. (But who is to say that race is what would make me more authentic?) I also want as little explaining as possible – especially if it pertains to sharing issues about race. I do not want to have to constantly reach across the divide and explain. I do that everyday (albeit, it’s really not that rough because let’s be honest, I grew up in this area and I am a product of my upbringing. It’s not that bad). With people of my same cultural and racial background, (as long as we’re of similar enough socio-economic class) there is a cultural shorthand. Of course, there is a cultural shorthand to white-dominant situations, too. Every minority has learned it and knows it. But the opposite is so rarely true.

On the other hand, Asian-culture dominant church environments also have their baggage and I balk at a lot of THOSE cultural expectations as well. But they do have the added benefit of exposing my kids to my first language (although I would say English is my dominant language – my language of dreams, so to speak) and people of my ethnic background. And let’s face it, here’s the main reason: I would feel more comfortable.

Everything always boils down to comfort. Now, of course, race is not the only factor in a church I want to attend. In fact, multi-ethnic congregations are what I would like to see, but with a purpose. I want to go someplace where race is acknowledged and discussed and not swept up into a taboo area. But is it the most important thing for me? No.

What is most important to me in a church? Tune in next time! haha! No, seriously. Some other time. I’m tired.

Ah well. The solution to all this, of course, is very simple. I just won’t go to church! hahahah. I’m sure my husband would LOVE that and heartily approve. ๐Ÿ˜‰