Wow, that’s quite a long title for this post. But I’m serious. I know I’ve crossed over dangerously into the “OLD PERSON” and Crotchety category, but seriously. 99% of radio music is for crap these days. Now, perhaps you might say that this has always been the case. Fine. You are either a big music snob or Even. Older. Than. I. Am. (Which, considering I’m not really that old, is very possible!)

Now, a lot of the for crap music is still pretty catchy when that’s all you hear on the radio so it does manage to worm its little wormy fingers into my brain. However, when I actually listen to the lyrics, I want to shoot myself. No. Why should I and my family be punished? I want to shoot the songwriter. I mean, can there be more asinine lyrics? (Well, I suppose there can but that’s not the point.)

Take, for example, that Grenade song by Bruno Mars. Not only do I constantly think of “Grenades” as in Jersey Shore type grenades (aka, an extremely ugly person that you take for the team so your buddy can get the hot one), I also think the man in this song is too stupid to live. Some choice lyrics from the hook:

I’d catch a grenade for ya
Throw my head on a blade for ya
I’d jump in front of a train for ya
You know I’d do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won’t do the same

I know there are like a bjillion tweens out there who will think this song is so deep and real and about love because this man is willing to die for this woman who obviously couldn’t give two snaps about him. And, they in turn, will think it’s so powerful and tragic and oh so beautiful. I know because twenty years ago, I was that moron who thought these utterly ridiculous lyrics would be proof of love.

No. This man is an idiot. Why waste your love on someone who doesn’t want it? And what does dying for someone mean anyway? Just because he’s willing to waste his worthless life on this woman doesn’t mean she thinks his pathetic ass is worth dying for. Other than being willing to die for her, what has he really offered her? Who knows? Why? Because this song doesn’t tell you. It just whines and cries and is super catchy and despite all this stupidity, I have thought long and hard about this song.

So, who really is the stupid one?

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