Or the lack thereof. I’ve always had a problem with impulse control. Every now and then, I’ll grab hold of an idea in my mind and refuse to let it go – even in the face of all common sense. Today, I did something that might have put my DS in terrible harm (and if it had happened, I would’ve never forgiven myself).

For about two hours, we had adopted a stray pit mix female girl. She seemed so gentle and friendly and sweet and DS really liked her and everything. However, I think that it was because we were around people who know how to control the dog. When we brought her home, though, we suddenly realized just how powerful and strong and huge and how quickly the whole situation could go pear-shaped and endanger DS’s life. Even with these misgivings though, I was loathe to take her back. I felt bad, but when I finally realized how strong the dog was, I knew I couldn’t take care of both the dog and DS. In fact, I felt a deep pit of unease and fear in my belly but was too stupid and proud to admit it.

Thank goodness our dear friends who love dogs and are good with dogs were cautioning us to seriously think about it. So, back went the dog. And as soon as the sweet dog (who could easily have mauled our DS if something bad happened) left, I felt a bjillion times better.

I am deeply ashamed of myself.

When I think of what could’ve happened, I am so angry with myself. And this happens quite often when I’m swept up by something. Sometimes, it’s not a big deal like when this same friend mentioned knitting and then I just had to pick up knitting the very next hour and scoured everywhere for a knitting store that was opened late on Sunday afternoon and bought up a bunch of stuff. Now, that worked out happily for everyone involved (especially my mom since she has since benefited from a crapton of knitted items). But as today clearly showed, it is not always the case.

For example, a few years ago when the housing market was insanely hot, I got it into my head that I should buy a house with DH (then live-in boyfriend). Of course, I think I was unemployed at the time. (I just didn’t want to live in my studio apartment anymore.) Somehow, the first realtor in the office that we walked into (who also was a bit unscrupulous now that I know better) talked me into offering for a house that I wasn’t entirely keen on and had us write a $40,000 earnest money check (when I didn’t have that amount in my account). She said it wasn’t a big deal and most likely wouldn’tve been cashed. My mother just about had an apoplexy and told me that no one ever asked for that large of an amount. Thank goodness even though the offer was accepted, one minor thing allowed us to back out of the deal.

I could just go on and on with sad, embarrassing examples. Like when I bought a few goldfish for my office but then they died and I forgot how gross and squicky fishbowls get (even with filters and aeration). And when I left the company, I also left my fish (they were dying anyway). *hangs head in shame*

Thank goodness I had nine-ten months to get used to the idea of a baby. And even that was somewhat driven by impulse. Two of my really good friends who had always been opposed to having children got pregnant. I found out about both pregnancies within two weeks of each other and then got OBSESSED with having a baby. I mean, it was on the agenda anyway, but I really didn’t get my butt in gear about making a baby until that moment. It all worked out and we had the means and were already discussing starting a family, but seriously. An impulse jumpstarted my decision.

Now, I don’t know if we’re still going to get another dog, but this time, we’re having these same friends come with us and screen dogs for us. I basically want a cat-dog. (Or a dog-cat.) I want a dog that is low maintenance, friendly, and cozy but not something I have to constantly worry about and take care of (like a pit bull). I want a fish dog. hahaha.

Man, it’s a good thing I do not have unlimited funds because I think I would make the worst sort of spoiled rich girl. Thank goodness I am at heart, somewhat of a scaredy-cat and commitmentphobe so I don’t get myself into even more predicaments. *sigh*

I still feel like I’m in the doghouse. Shame on me. 😦