I always thought I was a brave person. Courageous, even. After all, I can be bold and forthright! I don’t take shit from people! I express my opinions!

But lately, I realize I’m often a coward. (I am a firm believer that people can be a variety of aspects so I’m perfectly fine with being a coward in some instances and brave in others.) I have an anonymous blog because I am afraid of what people will think of me if they really knew what I was thinking. It is only because I also somewhat of an exhibitionist that my really good friends know of the blog at all! (And I’m lazy. I like to passively update them on my life via the blog. hahaha.)

I am afraid of being found out as a fraud. (I often feel like a fraud – after all, it doesn’t seem as if I should be allowed to be a mommy or a financial advisor or on a board.) I mean, have we looked at me? I’m incredibly lazy and more often than not, choose the easy vs. the necessary path.

I am afraid of being successful – because then I will have to repeat the performance! How stupid is that!? I am afraid I won’t know what to do with myself after my kids don’t need me around all the time anymore and I’ll have to go back to work full-time and WORK. I don’t want to work!!

I’m afraid that my current pregnancy (yes, that’s my official announcement) will end poorly – especially since I’ve told people about it already and I’m only nine weeks along. I’ve been having a lot of round ligament pain (I think that’s what it is) and I keep worrying that I’m going to lose the baby (even though I’ve had no bleeding or severe cramping or nausea or any other normal signs). I’m afraid that just by voicing that fear out loud is going to jinx me! *sigh*

And I’m supposed to believe in a God that drives out fear? Clearly I have very little faith sometimes. 😦

 

 

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