The other day, I was reading one of my friend’s blog post on her experience as a new mother and it struck me that though I somewhat understand her perspective and feelings, she better get used to disappointment.

But I’m still in a place right now where I do feel the weight of his world on my shoulders and I’m struggling to find the tightrope line where I can balance who I was before this with who I need and want to be moving forward. I want to be fun! I want to see friends! I want to be a great mom and a supportive wife!

I know, I know. It sounds so judgmental and mean. But you know what? She does have to get used to disappointment! Perhaps I’m just cynical or whatever, but I don’t believe there is any such balance of who you are before with who you need to be and want to be in the future. There is no such thing as a perfect balance. Something always has to give – and quite frankly, it’s usually what you want in favor of the new creature in your life.

Not that it always has to be so. Of course, there are perfectly awesome mothers and fathers who work, go out and have fun – sometimes even with their kids in tow! I just mean that in real life, there are trade-offs. If you’re working all day and want to meet with your friends who are also likely working all day, then you miss out on time with your kid (and your spouse). If you arrange to meet with your friends on your weekends, you have to plan around your kid’s nap schedule (if you plan on bringing the kiddo) because no one likes cranky babies! Otherwise, you miss out on more time with your kid.

SAHMs have their own set of issues, of course. The craziness sometimes of having only yourself to talk to (and a mute child – this gets better as they get older, but as newborns, I went days barely speaking to any adult other than DH and my mom). You end up revolving your life around babies and only have babies on the brain. That’s all I end up talking about, anyway. Your friends change into people who are just like you and it ends up being somewhat group-thinky at times. You miss your old life. A lot.

Oh, and one other thing they don’t tell you. You end up loving your husband less. I mean, you still love the guy, he’s great and all, but who can compare to a perfect baby you just gave life to? NO ONE. When they grow up and talk back and become annoying until they graduate college and get a real job, you will be back to loving DH and all, but until then? Babies WIN.

This sounds horribly dismal, but I say the tradeoffs don’t even feel like sacrifices. They’re all worth it.

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