Ok, after much prodding from my brother, here are some of the highlights from the MIL visit:

1) I seriously wanted to smack the MIL when she would continually claim the kiddos didn’t like her. If DS didn’t give her a toy or come hug her immediately or if DD would cry when my MIL held her, she would say, “See, they don’t like me.” Even DH pretty much told his mother to shut up today.

For FUCK’S SAKE!! (Which, in exasperation, I did yell at her.) He’s a 2 year old. It’s not about her. He’s 2. If DD cries, it’s for 4 things: hunger, wet/dirty diaper, sleepy, uncomfortable. I was THIS CLOSE to telling her that I would not let her give my kid a complex about pleasing her. Because seriously? It’s not his responsibility to make sure she feels secure about her
Grandmotherhood. That’s her fucking job. She needs to STFU.

2) I did tell her repeatedly that we would love for her to visit on a monthly or bimonthly basis. Of course, she made it all about her again. “I’m not important. The kids won’t care if I come visit or not.”

Finally, I told her that the kids will think it’s important because I think it’s important and will make them think it’s important. That again, it’s not about her at all whatsoever. That they have few enough family as it is, and with DH’s dad gone and my dad figuratively dead to me, they really only have my mom and her. So, she should man up and get her ass to their birthday parties even if she hates being around people – because again, NO ONE CARES ABOUT HER. ALL THE GUESTS WILL BE PLAYING WITH DS OR TALKING TO ME. She should be there because she’s important to DS and DD.

3) Seriously, this is the shit I have to listen to all visit.

4) However, I was much better about holding my tongue and not being a general ass-hat. Because when all is said and done, even though I don’t really like her as person, it is vitally important to me that she be in my children’s lives.