And it wasn’t me! It was my mom! hahahaha. (Incidentally, tMPMitW stands for The Most Patient Man in the World aka DH.) So, remember how DS locked himself in the nursery and we had to have a locksmith break the lock? The handle has been a jagged metal mess for the two weeks and literally every single day my mom has been over, she gives me shit about the lock.

Well, we finally got a chance to go to Home Depot today and I bought the four locks to replace all the handles that require a key to unlock them. According to DH, I was upstairs changing the lock in the office/guest room (I started as far away from my room as possible since that was where DD was napping) and my brother told my mom that I was changing the lock to the office door.

In response, my mom made a big deal about the nursery lock being broken and was going on and on about it. Finally, DH replied (on major lack of sleep and not a tiny amount of being sick of my mom telling us to fix the fucking lock already), “Thank you, Captain Obvious. We know. We live here.”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ok, on the one hand, I’m a bit shocked and appalled because OMG, that’s my mother! But on the other hand, I totally would’ve said something worse – and that’s not even the worst of what I’ve said to DH’s mom. Dear God – my mother can be the most persistent and annoying nag in the world. In one sentence, she can tell you to do something five different times, and when you tell her to STFU already, she gets supremely offended and says you over-react and she doesn’t really tell you that often.

The worst is when she does this about something that there is no fucking possible way to do what she is telling you to do at that very moment. Often, when she does this, we are tempted to say, “Go get a divorce already. Why haven’t you gotten the divorce yet?”

Then, about ten minutes later, my mom comes up and makes one of her comments, “It’s so funny that every one else has their husbands change the locks but you’re the one doing it.”

I almost smacked her. Every time I do something remotely handy that she thinks DH should be doing, she always says this type of shit and prefaces it with, “It’s so funny…” What she really is doing is giving DH shit for not doing something she thinks is manly. She used to give us grief about this all the time when DH would prefer me to drive places. (I drive places because DH commutes about 2.5 hours a day and is sick of driving. Plus, I just yell at him anyway for not doing something that I would’ve done. Truly, it keeps us married.)

Really? That’s what a man should be doing? Then tell that to your fucking husband who is rather handy and drives you everywhere but doesn’t keep his dick in his pants. Too harsh?

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