Just because I have told my father that he is dead to me doesn’t mean that I don’t still hear about him from the rest of my family. And lately, there have been several doosies.

A few weeks ago, my dad phone ambushes my brother in DC and guilts him into meeting with my dad for dinner. Throughout the awkward conversation, my dad tears up and looks sad. What a phoney. And even if he is sad at the consequences, he sure hasn’t done anything to change it. I suppose he is allowed to be sad (if it is even true). But whatever. He made his choices.

Today, my uncle called my mom to tell her that daddy bought a half million dollar house in Houston back in October 2010. TWO THOUSAND TEN. 2011. He also took his mistress with him. He told his relatives in China that he is already divorced and that the mistress is his wife. My fucking shriveled up bitch of a grandmother knew all of this and has been lying to my uncle and my mother this WHOLE TIME.

My dad has also linked up with a lawyer to lure Chinese people over to get a US citizenship via investments or another way. That was why he was in my brother’s city a few weeks ago. He has even more plans to bring that woman and their bastard son over soon.

I told my mother I was going to call up my grandmother and tell her in person that she was dead to me. My mom told me not to get involved with that negative stuff. I told her (in anger) that I was going to curse my father every day. She told me not to do that. That it would poison me and that I would have to protect my kids from his sin and all that evil and I shouldn’t do it. I told her that cursing people is Biblical and I planned on doing it every day. Of course, I wouldn’t do that. Not because I am a good person. No, it’s because I can’t even remember to brush my fucking teeth every day – I’m not going to remember and waste my time on my fucking no good dad.

My mom told me a week or so ago that she found out the mistress is from a part of China that is renowned for their witchcraft. My mom is convinced this woman is trying to curse her because she’s had so many horrible dreams lately. For what it’s worth, part of me believes this, and the other thinks it’s insane.

However, the last two times I took my kids to church, the first night, DS had nightmares. The second time, he woke up at 3am barfing for an hour and a half. No other sick symptoms. He was totally fine the next day. Both days after I took my kids to church, DD would cry uncontrollably. (I know, she is just a baby.) When DS was just born and my dad saw him and held him, DS made such a weird cry/noise (scared the shit out of my mom and I because it sounded so strangled and strange) that I am convinced my dad passed on some evil spirit to my son. (Particularly since after that, DS started to have nightmares.)

I have since made my mom do all sorts of things like pray for him and anoint his room, his bed, etc. I know it sounds crazy. It could all be coincidence. Which, the more rational part of my mind agrees with. But I also believe there are things that cannot be explained and are not of flesh and blood and are spiritual powers and principalities. I do believe that people can be cursed and that prayer is powerful.

I also, alternately, think I’ve gone batshit crazy and am using prayer and anointings and etc as totems and superstitions. I don’t think about it too often, but it does bother me in the middle of the night occasionally – especially when I am SO ANGRY at my dad.

Part of me wants to come up with a new name by which I can refer him. Dad or daddy seem too personal and intimately connected for someone’s whose face I want to bash in repeatedly. I can’t think of one right now. All I can think of is how badly I want to call him just so I can tell him to fuck off and die.

Pardon the rantiness. I am a little upset.