I don’t know if it’s a result of the book I just devoured in one sitting or just my mood, but I feel as if I’m floating through my life. I was holding DD tonight when she woke up crying and I thought, “Where did my day go? Did I even pay attention to DD?”

I mean, I realize that I obviously take care of my children and though I give them a lot more independence than I used to, I’m not exactly neglectful. I am trying to be more purposeful with not always being on the phone or just counting down the clock. And yet, somehow, today passed and now it’s gone. DD is 8.5 months already, on the cusp of walking, and I truly can’t believe it. Where did the time go? How am I not soaking in every single second and instead, just trying to get through the day? Why am I not more mindful?

DD is getting so big. When I hold her, it’s more like holding a toddler than a baby. (And I suppose that’s exactly what she is: a toddler. She is toddling!) How is this happening?

Then I think back on last week’s HI trip and how I yelled at DS and spanked him a little too often and I feel guilt upon guilt. My dear little boy heaps grace upon grace on me. Even when I’m annoyed or mean or not perfect, he still wants me and loves me and adores me. How can I be so mediocre at times? How do I deserve any of his love? Or any of DD’s love?

Our time is so precious and so short. How can it pass so quickly and yet so slowly? I must strive to be more mindful and purposeful. I don’t want to have any regrets. *sigh* Off to be weepy.

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