To those of you with no kids, you may ask yourself, “Why is this person always sleep training her kids? Hasn’t this been done before? Like, a bjillion times?”

Welp, you are absolutely right. I have done this a bjillion times. But the reason I keep posting about it is because I keep having to do it. Every time we go on a trip, the kids’ sleep schedules get messed up (whether due to time changes or just the fact that we’re all sleeping in the same room/bed and that we’re not in their normal routines). Then, when we get back from the trip, I have to re-sleep train them. Sometimes, they are both fine. (To date, this has NEVER HAPPENED.) If I am super lucky, only one needs to be re-trained. But NORMALLY, alas, they BOTH need to be retrained.

That sucks. Why? Because even if you only have to re-sleep train one baby, that baby will inevitably WAKE UP THE OTHER BABY.

Just so you have an idea of my life these past few days, DD cries for at least an hour every day. She’ll cry an hour without napping. I pick her up. She’s super tired, we try again. She’ll be asleep from nursing or rocking and AS SOON AS SHE TOUCHES THE CRIB, she is UP. Crying. For another hour. AWESOME. Napping is hardest because the sun is out and she can catch a second (or third, or fourth, or fifth) wind. Nighttime is a bit easier, but STILL NOT FUN.

On top of that, she’s sick. She doesn’t really have a fever anymore, but she has been pooping nonstop. This girl was lucky if she pooped once a day, now it’s 4-5x a day. And she gets MAD while crying. Now I know why they have a phrase called, “hopping mad” because she HOPS in her bed while MAD.

DS, because of the time shift from Taiwan, is sleeping in until 8am, which is AWESOME, but then, won’t sleep and will get up a billion times and cry and whine and stall. (He has to poop, pee, eat, drink, whatever. TONIGHT, he kept saying his penis hurt. I have examined a little too closely my 2.5 year old’s penis to find some pretend injury and slathered on vaseline as medicine several times tonight. I feel kinda weird just posting that.) It is almost 11pm. I have no idea if I’ve seen the last of that boy yet.

In addition, he won’t nap. If he does, he doesn’t want to sleep. Then, he refuses to wake up. But then, he’s not tired enough to sleep at night. But if I skip a nap, he’s really tired and tries to make up sleep and then wakes up at 8 or 10am. Blargh. I think I just have to skip naps and wake him up at 7am. Yay? Tired and CRANKY little boys!

Before, I would just let him scream his brains out and then nurse and hold DD while he cries himself out and goes to sleep. But NOW, he HOPS THE BABY GATE on his door. HOPS OVER IT. WTH, kiddo? Either I need to get a taller gate or I need to figure something else out. Locking him in seems cruel.

So, I am also tired and cranky. To add to that, because we’re lazy, some time in the middle of the night (separately, of course), they will each end up in our bed. Which I don’t mind because they’re cute and I miss cuddling, but then, totally ruins the point of sleep training, right? But if I just let them cry in the middle of the night, they wake up the other kid. AND THEN IT REPEATS.

I AM NEVER LEAVING THE HOUSE AGAIN.

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