First off, if you haven’t seen the movie yet, MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD.

 

 

So, what I liked, first:

1) Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. She was smart, sexy, and funny. And hot.

2) Joseph Gordon Levitt. Because he is Joseph Gordon Levitt. RAWR.

3) Loved Batman’s cycle. Especially when it rounded corners.

4) The tech and visuals.

5) The emotional scene with Alfred Pennyworth when he confesses that he burned Rachel Dawes’s letter.

6) Cilian Murphy, because he’s awesome.
Ok. Now onto why I hate this movie with the fire of a thousand burning suns:

1) Way to character assassinate everybody, Nolan!! Commissioner Gordon, Bruce Wayne (for being a coward), Bane, Alfred, Talia, etc. You name it, Nolan ruined it.

2) Hi! Let’s send ALL OUR POLICEMAN UNDERGROUND at the SAME TIME! That doesn’t sound like a terrible idea at all!

3) Oh wait, they’re all trapped below ground? How will they ever get out? What? What’s a MANHOLE COVER??

4) And why do they bother keeping the policemen alive by sending them food and water when they BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF and KILL all the cops above ground?

5) Let’s have random colored people (mystical Arabs or something) chant weird things in weird languages to give pep talks to Bruce Wayne in the middle of a giant pit (with electricity and cable, natch) to help him succeed in jumping across broken rock walls without a rope!

6) How the hell did Bruce Wayne’s broken back get fixed when they were in the middle of a giant pit? By the only white person in the whole place?

7) Let’s ruin Talia.

8) Plus, let’s have Talia be the REAL leader of the League of Shadows – so much so that every one knows she’s the true leader ON SIGHT – but NO ONE ELSE has a clue. REALLY?

9) With all the possible Robins there are in canon (there are FOUR from which to choose), you take an obscure cop?

10) Neutron bombs? REALLY? Exploding over the bay is better than in Gotham City? (I suppose.) No blast radius? No CANCER FOREVER AFTER?

11) Let’s have 3,000 cops run straight into MACHINE GUN FIRE. Great idea. What is this, pre-revolutionary war tactics?

I. Just. Blargh.

I love Batman. You don’t understand how much I love Batman. But I fucking hated this movie. It’s been five days and I’m STILL pissed.

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