SAHM


So sorry. Forgot to post yesterday. In my defense, I was busy being the worst mom ever. *sigh* I think other than my children eating some strawberries and tofu (not together) and maybe some yogurt, the majority of their diet yesterday consisted of chips, cookies, crackers, snacks, and whatever. I’m not sure I really interacted with my kids because my nose was buried in a book. They may have watched a lot of TV and played a lot with the iPhone. Had minimal naps. Ran amok in general and I really didn’t intervene until someone started crying. Hey, I’m fostering independence!

Then, I made them go to bed early because the night before, they had stayed up late because both DH and I were out at separate events and they didn’t want to listen to my mom. Then, I snuck downstairs, ate a bunch of chips for dinner, and watched the season finale for The Vampire Diaries. Then I felt guilty.

I’m sure THEY had a good time (I was also “babysitting” two other kids) running amok around the house screaming and playing and eating snacks. And I suppose as long as this isn’t an every day occurrence. it’s not horrible. But man, is it tempting to just check out while parenting. *sigh* I blame smartphones.

Today, I WILL BE A BETTER MOMMY. After I finish my new book.

I am so grateful that I have a husband who makes enough that we can live comfortably on his salary alone. I am so grateful to my children because I cannot imagine my life without them. I must say, with all sincerity, that my children have given me purpose.

I never thought I would be one of those women whose life revolved around her kids. But I am! And I don’t mind. I have found my calling. Without kids, where would I be today? Still muddling around, working a job I didn’t care for, doing the same shit different day? Sure, I’d have read more books and seen more movies, but I wouldn’t be “in the pocket” so to speak.

I am where I belong. I am doing what I want and should be – nay, BORN to do. I am focused, for the first time. My job is fitting and I LOVE IT.

Ok. As promised, here are DS’s updates:

1) DS is starting to pick up things I do way too fast. (I mean, he did before, but now, I really have to watch it.) He recently gave me a time out for tossing a toy onto the train table. He said (in Chinese), “Bad Mommy! No throwing! Time out!”

2) DS also tells me to “Be careful, Mommy!” when we go down the stairs. He wants to make sure I hold onto the bannister and tells me to go slowly.

3) One morning, when he accidentally dropped a bunch of cereal in my lap, he kept repeating, “I’m sorry, Mommy!” It was one of the few times he actually said, “Sorry” correctly. It was sweet. He kept kissing me and hugging me. (I extract kisses per apology. Those are the rules. I don’t make them. *shrug*)

4) After trying out the pre-school a few weeks ago, it is pretty clear that DS was a little too young. He enjoyed it, but his attention span was too short. He might be better suited in a few months. However, I will now be trying to have him do some Montessori-esque activities to start prepping him for pre-school. Sorting beads, threading macaroni, screwing and unscrewing jars, etc. He really does enjoy it! (I have to remember that those are option instead of always resorting to the iPhone.)

5) Mealtimes are my least favorite times of day. Other than the sheer headache of figuring out what to feed him, (although, I’ve been more and more just having him eat what we eat,) it is getting him to eat it. Bribery, screaming, cajoling, what not. I HATE IT. I want to thwack him so hard sometimes. It would seem that I’m trying to POISON him. Geez. Sometimes, I miss breastfeeding.

6) DS has started to need some sort of outside activity (running, riding his plasma car, pulling the wagon) or he will not nap easily. This makes me very sad because that means I do not get to nap, either. BOOOOOOOOO! Plus, if he does end up napping, he doesn’t end up falling asleep until past 10pm. But if he doesn’t nap, sometimes, he is a real pill. Blargh. Transitions suck.

7) Now that so many of his friends are in preschool, I’ve been scrambling to find different/new friends for him to play with. Inevitably, most of them are much younger. It makes me sad. Other people’s children are forcing me to pay money so that DS will have something to do! BLARGH.

8) He really is just a bundle of laughs. So full of energy. Loves his trains (I keep buying more materials). Loves cars. Loves TV. (Terrible, I know.) He just has so much personality. I’m also starting to switch out some books we read to him at bedtime because I am getting bored, but more so, he is starting to like stories. It’s just getting harder for me to translate them into Chinese.

9) Ever since I got a small used sandbox, DS actually wants to play in the sand! (He hates playing in the sand at parks.)

10) It’s so crazy that he is his own person. DS can be understood by people other than ME, now! He’s getting so tall and so big. *sniff* I can’t believe he’s almost three!

11) I am trying to teach DS letters and numbers and he’s not bad. Actually, he’s the one who started wanting to know what letters were in the books we were reading.

Anyhow, his favorite letter in the whole world is W. I have no idea why, but it is.

This is how he sings the ABC song. “ABCD W birfday!”

12) Incidentally, he loves birthdays because there is cake. On the morning of my birthday, DH made the mistake of telling him it was my birthday as soon as he woke up. This was followed by much insistent demanding of “birfday caaaaaaake!”

Ok. That’s all I can think of for now. I am sure more will come to me.

My SIL must hate hearing my mom tell her and my brother not to spend so much money. I hear from my mom that she tells my brother and SIL to buy things used like I do on craigslist or use cloth diapers, or whatever. And personally, I thought nothing of it. But today, I went to check out some used cloth diapers for my brother and he mentioned that she was a little upset about him buying them without consulting her. (The diapers ended up not being what I wanted so no harm, no foul.)

When I thought it over, I felt so bad for my SIL. Here she is, pregnant with her first kid, and all she hears from her MIL (my mom) is all this stuff that I do and how she should do things like I am. Now, I don’t think that’s what my mom means to be doing, but if I were my SIL, I’d be super pissed. Like, shut up already. I get it. Your daughter is awesome. She buys everything used and has everything figured out. Blahbity, blah, blah.

Truly, how intimidating and awful. Who wants to compete with that? I’m surprised my SIL doesn’t hate me and want to punch me in the throat!

Well, here’s the truth. DB (Dear Brother), pass this along if you think necessary.

I am not a great mom. I merely survive. I yell at DS quite often. I full on bribe him to finish meals. I allow him to watch 2-3 hours of TV/YouTube/screen time a day. I check Facebook a lot. I am often texting. I comb craigslist because I like to buy stuff, and if that means I can buy MORE stuff with the same amount of money, so be it. I spend a shit-ton of money on crap we don’t need. Sometimes, my kids eat chips or fries for lunch. I use cloth diapers because I’m cheap. (Although, the idea of my kids’ poop stuck in a landfill doesn’t really make me feel good. But I still use disposables!) I give my kids a lot of sugar. And juice. And stuff I never thought I would because I have stopped caring. (Kinda.)

I make plenty of mistakes. And truly, who cares if you cloth diapers or not? In the end, do you love your kid? Do you make sure they know it? Are they alive and fed and cared for? Yeah? Then good job. That’s really all you need.

Today was the fated day of me taking care of four kids under four all by myself. You know what? It was easy. Why? Because my friend raised great kids. Truthfully, my own kids were more of a problem. We had a great time and I am much relieved.

On another note, tomorrow is DS’s first day of preschool. Well, a trial day of preschool. If he likes it, then we’ll keep going. YAY!

I am so grateful that DH’s job allows me to be a SAHM. I know there are times (and there were a few today) when I swear my palms are itching to slap the crap out of DS because he is pissing me off (don’t worry – I don’t hit him), but usually, he is just the sweetest. My days are full of my darling babies. Some recent highlights:

1) DS got a new (to him, anyway) garbage truck and boy does he love it! Today was trash day and there is one trash collector who gets out of his truck every week to chat with us. Well, DS was so excited that he ran back into the house to show off his new garbage truck to the man! The guy said it looked like his old garbage truck and made all the right appreciative noises. That guy is awesome.

2) DS has now started to sing the ABC’s. Adorable.

3) Before he falls asleep, I will lay with DS a little while and smother him with kisses. Now, he smothers me back! I LOVE this.

4) I love how DS is just a sweetheart. I know he’s really just parroting back what I say to him all the time, but I really enjoy hearing him say, “Be careful, Mommy!” when we walk down the stairs or if I bump into something. Or when he says, “Goodnight, Mommy!” Or just his interpretation of what it means to talk on the phone. It’s a lot of “Hello” and “Good bye!” His sweet little voice. I love it.

5) DD is now starting to get upset when DS sits in my lap. Of course, he’s usually doing that so she can’t. hahaha. So now, both of them will try to push out the other and squeeze into my lap. I have no idea what will happen when I have more kids.

6) DD is such a beast. She started crawling super fast when we went to Hawaii and hasn’t slowed down yet. She is cruising and crawling and pulling up all over the place. DS was never this mobile before he started walking. In fact, DD is so mobile and aggressive that she is now climbing stairs. I mean, REALLY?

7) DD is a pickier eater than DS was at her age so it’s totally throwing me for a loop. That said, you can totally tell she just wants to be big because all she wants is to eat the things DS and the rest of us eat. (So, for the most part, I’ve been letting her.) You know she’s excited when her feet kick at light speed. 😀

8) Since I’ve had to re-sleep train DD after the Hawaii trip, it’s so sad whenever I leave the room. She gets SO MAD and just breaks down crying in a way that almost seems to say, “Why are you abandoning me??” Thankfully, she gets over it quickly and then goes right to sleep. (For the most part.) It does not get easier just because she’s the second child.

9) I love how excited DD gets when DS pays attention to her and plays with her. She ADORES her big brother. Fills me with such goopey happiness.

10) It’s funny. At the end of the day when they’re both in bed and I’m relieved to have a moment to myself, I spend a lot of it staring at their sweet faces on the monitor and wishing I could hold them a bit more.

Love is grand.

I have totally spoiled DS rotten. So much so that when it comes to food, I’ve totally let him dictate what he eats. (Ok, not entirely, but seriously, I am embarrassed when we go out to eat.) After our Hawaii trip where DS just ate fries almost the whole week, I decided to go on food lockdown. Or maybe not lockdown, but whatever. I am cutting snacks down (a lot) and DS has to eat what I put in front of him. I will allow some variation, but he has to eat his food at the table and finish it if he wants his dessert. Yes, I have to outright bribe my child to eat the food I make him.

On top of that, DD is almost impossible to feed so I give up and just nurse her. As a result, she sometimes only eats snacks! Terrible! She hates fruits (I just don’t understand how that is possible in my household! I blame DH!!) and doesn’t really enjoy sweet or pureed things. She will eat savory foods and regular people foods, so I am now making only one lunch/dinner/breakfast and EVERYBODY is going to eat it. At mostly the same time. She has been better about eating things when I let her eat it herself, so even though it’s a mess, at least she’s eating.

Blargh. I never thought I would turn into a crazy person when it came to mealtimes, but I would get so frustrated, I hear myself making these outrageous statements and punishing DS with timeouts and spankings and threats and OMG I sound like my FATHER. *sigh* He is allowed to have preferences within reason. I just have to not back myself in a corner.

Hopefully, it will get better. IT DOES GET BETTER, RIGHT?

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