Tonight, DD said she’s a princess. No idea how. We don’t even call her a princess! Lol. We do overdo it on the pretty though.

Then she saw her new cupcake PJs and said, “DD pretty!”

After her bath, DD said, “Goodbye water! See you next time!”

Then, she sang and danced around in her towel. I think my brain just exploded from cutesy overload.

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This morning, DD was crying because I couldn’t carry her downstairs. I came back up, picked her up, and she was still crying. I told her to stop and she said, “I’m crying!” And cried more. Hahahaha.

This afternoon, the ipad ran out of battery and died while DD was using it. I put it away on the white credenza to charge and she threw a tantrum. She climbed up several times and was thrashing around. I finally put her in her room. She calmed down but was still mad at me. I made a face at her and she glared at me saying, “I’m crying!” Why is that always so funny?

Before I forget, some stories about the kiddos.

1) When DD leaves my room she says, “Bye bye! See you later! Moua!”

2) DH was reading Where the Wild Things Are to the kids and calls the monsters lions. DS tell him, “those are guai sho!” Love how DS is teaching DH Chinese. Haha.

3) DD kept kicking DS at bedtime. After her time out and I put her back in bed, DS put Appa (a big stuffed animal) in between them so she couldn’t kick him anymore.

4) DS can pick out and put on his clothes all by himself! What a big boy!!

5) DH is so mean to DS. Both of them have been able to strap into their car seats by themselves for awhile now. So DH just noticed and said either DD is turning 4 or DS is turning 2. Lol. So mean!

6) I keep wanting to call the baby, DS because he makes the same poo face, the same expressions, and has the same face!! So cute and so confusing!

7) Also, DS tried to give DS2 some cars for him to play with. DD tried to give DS2 a peacock to play with. They are so sweet.

8) DS2 could push up and turn his head the first night.

9) I put a hairclip in DD’s hair and she said, “漂亮! (Pretty!)” So cute! So vain! Haha. But what else is she supposed to think when we call her pretty girl nonstop?

10) DD was mad that I was leaving their room. I said, “I love you!” And she said, “No love you!” Lol.

11) DS asked me to make him a new track. But he wanted to watch the iPad. So he told me I could do it all by myself.

12) DH took the kids to the park and DD said, “Watch out! DD fast!”

13) DS doesn’t know how to say “road” in English so he keeps saying things like, “I have to put the car back on the 馬路 (road)!” I don’t know why I find it so funny.

14) I was making 7 burritos for DH’s lunches. DS was upset because he didn’t want DH to eat so many. Said his tummy would hurt.

15) DS and DD were each arguing that they are funny. “I funny!” “No, I funny!” When I said they were both funny, they both laughed their fake laugh.

16) DS keeps singing 哈哈笑, 火車快飛, and 小猴子. I think he misses school.

17) The kids have started to answer, “Maybe.” when we ask them questions. I don’t think they know what it means. But it sure amuses me.

18) I love the way DD says, “Yeah!”

19) The other day, DS2 simultaneously spat up and pooped while on the boob. Poor DS2 seemed very startled.

20) DD put herself to sleep (during nap time) watching iphone with DS. Best mom ever.

21) After a month of of school, we dropped DS off on Tuesday. DD stared crying because she missed DS. She said she wanted to go to school, too.

22) When I tell DD, “no” she will start to growl.

23) I love how DS will hide his cars and then forget and asks me to find them. :/ I tell him that it’s his problem but somehow, I still end up looking for them. Tricky little bastard.

24) DS saw a picture of Barbie and he said, “That’s a princess.” How the fuck does he even know that word? And to apply to Barbie?!

25) When DS2 was born, DS and DD only wanted oatmeal and milk. I think that’s all they ate for at least a week. Other than snacks, of course. Weird.

26) The kids like to use my bras to swallow up their cars and trucks.

27) When DS2 was just born and pooped muconium, DS was obsessed with the black poo. He still asks about it.

28) One day, DS lifted DH’s wallet out of his pocket. Awesome.

29) Took the kids to see Planes (their first movie). They had a great time. My friend told us to sit in an aisle. We sat in the front of the second section so the kids could get up and walk. I think this will be the last movie for awhile because their attention just can’t hold that long. Thank goodness for the tub of popcorn. Which we followed with Coldstone’s ice cream.

30) DS really loves DS2 and is always wanting to hug, hold, and kiss him. DD is mildly interested in DS2, but mostly ignores him. She finally realized the other day that DS2 was here to stay and threw a big tantrum. Poor little darling.

Ok. That should be enough updates for now, right?

In case you missed me, I’ve been out because I had DS2 two weeks ago today. I’ll have to write the birth story later, but suffice to say, our house has been topsy turvy in terms of the adjustment, but we love the little guy so much already.

Today, though, I want to write about how ashamed I am that I’ve not been more sensitive to DS1 and DD. 😦 I keep forgetting that they are real people (albeit, very small) and have real feelings that are separate from me. That not only is DS2 disrupting DH and my life, he is putting quite a kink in DS1 and DD’s lives, too.

It’s been particularly hard because we’ve had to go back to the hospital a few times for DS2’s jaundice and the older two miss me a lot. The kids have been very sensitive and any reprimand (no matter how harsh or soft) sends them into tears.

This morning was bad. 😦 I was super tired and cranky and already annoyed at DH. Then I had to deal with a bunch of crap for DS2’s jaundice and I was throwing pens and pissy and being a general jerk. Somewhere in there, DS spilled some milk and when I looked up finally and noticed him, his lip was quivering and he was about to burst into tears because he thought I was mad at him.

In tears, I scooped him up and started to sob. My poor boy. I never want to see that look on his face again. He is so small and so little and such a good boy! I felt so low and so small and so utterly shitty.

I know I am only human but all I could think about was how I am just like my father: violent, full of temper, and to be feared. I know it is not the same, but it felt the same. 😦

I still want to cry just thinking about it.

I just have to constantly remind myself that they are still babies yet. Not even four and two. They have been doing remarkably well.

Sigh.

I know in a month or two that we’ll all adjust and have a new normal. But it just feels so awful in the interim.

I just need to remember to give myself grace and to accept DS’s full embrace and forgiveness when I apologize. How he can still love me, I am full of wonder and gratefulness.

I think I will have to reduce my posting schedule here to once a week (most likely on Thursdays). I may have just picked up a small copywriting job, and then I’ll be having a baby, and then I have that other blog that is gaining traction, so I may have bitten off more than I can chew. HOWEVER, since this is my anonymous blog and where I keep my updates about my kids, I definitely want to continue some sort of schedule. *sigh* Sorry such a meta paragraph. Anyhow, below are the stories that you actually want to here.

1) The kids are giving each other time outs. DD keeps saying to DS, “Two minutes! Two minutes!”

2) DS and DD are each arguing that they are funny. “I funny!” “No, I funny!” When I said they were both funny, they both laughed their fake laugh. They are hilarious.

3) DD keeps drawing “dinosaurs.” Of course they look nothing like it, but it’s cute. I think she drew at least 4-5 today.

4) DS asked me, “What’s up?” I found it too funny.

5) DS told me this morning that DD was Chris and he was Mart (as in Martin) from The Wild Kratts. It’s because she was wearing green and he was wearing blue. (Those are the Kratt brothers’ respective colors.)

6) I find it so funny that DD will roll up her leggings into shorts. For some reason, it’s very comical to me.

7) DS keeps singing 哈哈笑 (Haha Laughing Song), 火車快飛 (Fast Train Song), and 小猴子 (Little Monkey Song). I think he misses school.

8) DS keeps thinking the baby in my tummy will be his cousin, MD. (It’s because we call them all, Didi, which means, “Little Brother.”) I told him THIS baby was HIS Didi. MD Didi wasn’t his. DS told me that he doesn’t want HIS Didi. He wanted MD Didi. I don’t think he understood. DH told me to explain it to DD – she would get it. That is both mean and hilarious.

9) Induction date is all set for Monday 8/19/14. SO SOON and yet, not soon enough!

*sigh* I’m so sorry, little blog. I do not mean to ignore you. (Actually, I just skipped one day. Sorry!!!) To make up for it, I bring stories of kiddos.

1) This morning, DS and DD opened up the door to the garage, opened up the garage door, and ran down the driveway while I was in the bathroom. WTF.

2) I think DD likes coloring with markers just so she gets her hands dirty (she sticks her fingers in the caps). That way, she can wash them. She loves to wash her hands.

3) DD clocked me in the head this morning because she didn’t get what she wanted. This girl!!

4) I was discussing with some of my friends what type of business we should start together (FWIW, I think it’s a terrible idea), they said we should start a kids’ consignment store. But I negated that saying we’d have to have inventory and a place to rent. I said I should just be a surrogate and get paid $40k per baby. DH said he would punch me nonstop in the face if I did that. So I guess he prefers the consignment store idea. LOL.

5) I swear the kids are masterminding some type of thing against me. They keep setting me up with mutually exclusive requests demands. If DS wants to go right, DD wants to go left. If DS wants to watch a show, DD immediately says she doesn’t want that show. It’s driving me up the wall. I just end up ignoring them both while they scream their brains out simultaneously.

6) Yesterday morning, both kids were screaming and crying. DS wanted almonds (which we didn’t have – because you bet your ass if I did, I would’ve been shoving them in his pie hole just so he would STFU). DD wanted to eat a chocolate bunny – which I didn’t let her have. Then, they switched to crying because DD was so mad at me she punched DS in the head. (See a recurring pattern here?)

7) I asked DD for a 梳子 (shu zi or comb) and she came back with a 書 (shu or book). Chinese homonyms are awesome!

8) DS and DD were arguing the other day over whether or not DD was funny. DD says, “I funny!” DS replies, “Not funny!” Granted, at the time, she was insisting she was funny because she ruined and destroyed something he made. LOL. Totally understandable.

9) In related news, DD now thinks that she can get away with whatever she does as long as she smiles and says, “I funny!”

10) DS gets very involved while watching movies. He’s an extrovert for sure! And he’s a lot like my mother. “What’s happening? Why is he doing that? What is he doing? Where is he going? etc.” On Saturday, he was watching Ice Age for the first time and I guess there’s a part where a woman jumps off a cliff and he SCREAMED. Not just any scream, a full on blood-curdling scream. Because he was so worried. It was sweet. I think I have to really screen his movies.

11) Once, while DH was changing DD’s poopy diaper, DS asked, “Why does DD’s pigu (butt) change colors from black to red?”

12) On Friday, I overheard DH pleading with the kids, “Please, can you both be normal?” They were both crying because they wanted the same fork. There was nothing they could use the fork on at the time.

13) DD likes to wear my bras.

14) One time when DD was asleep, she started shaking her head, “No” very vigorously. I laughed because she is also contrary – even in her dreams!

15) DS climbed a rope ladder at the park and said he was Spiderman. He doesn’t really know who Spiderman is. He also talks about pirates a lot. But again, he doesn’t really know what a pirate is. Case in point, a few weeks ago, he called a hair clip a pirate that was coming to eat me.

16) DD mixes up her English and Chinese words all the time in an awesome Chinglish concoction. Instead of “不可以” DD says, “No可以.” (Which is No, you can’t.)

Ok, hopefully that satisfies you for now. I will now get to writing tomorrow’s post. 😉

Here are some more stories of the kiddies.

1) DS has been saying that he has a baby in his tummy, just like DH and DD do, too. Like Mommy. Because Mommy has to share!

2) DD likes to jump up and fall down (she can’t really jump yet, but she’ll bounce on the bed and then flop on her pillow) while saying, “Ribbit! Ribbit!” In fact, both the kids like to pretend they are frogs and jump up and down and yell, “Ribbit! Ribbit!”

3) DD thinks it’s hilarious to say she pooped when she really peed, and vice versa. When we are changing her diaper, we’ll say, “Did you peepee?” And DD will respond, “No, poopoo!” Or the opposite for the other scenario. It is hilarious.

4) DD and DS like to purposely make me choose between two things that are mutually exclusive. If DS wants to watch one show, DD demands another. If DD wants to go upstairs, DS demands to stay downstairs. I think they do it on purpose – to see who is the more alpha among them. That way, I have to choose – and whoever I choose wins. Or something. They are devious little children.

5) Currently, they are both obsessed with seeing pictures and videos of DS as a baby. I don’t know why.

6) Sometimes, when DD is crying or upset, DS will comfort her and hug her and tell her, “It’s OK, DD.” And go on to explain that Mommy will be back soon or that she needs to go to sleep. It’s super sweet. I love how they cozy in bed together, too.

7) It really makes me happy to see my two kids interact. They often play very well together and have very detailed conversations that I can only half follow.