DS is a sweetheart. Two instances from today.

1) DS said to DS2, “kiss DS2! hey little cutie! DS2’s awesome. DS2’s getting bigger!”

2) DS2 was napping on the couch and woke up crying. DS, in my exact soothing tone, rushes to DS2 and says, “ok ok ok DS2. It’s ok. DS here.” Then hugs DS2 and kisses him.

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Before I forget, some stories about the kiddos.

1) When DD leaves my room she says, “Bye bye! See you later! Moua!”

2) DH was reading Where the Wild Things Are to the kids and calls the monsters lions. DS tell him, “those are guai sho!” Love how DS is teaching DH Chinese. Haha.

3) DD kept kicking DS at bedtime. After her time out and I put her back in bed, DS put Appa (a big stuffed animal) in between them so she couldn’t kick him anymore.

4) DS can pick out and put on his clothes all by himself! What a big boy!!

5) DH is so mean to DS. Both of them have been able to strap into their car seats by themselves for awhile now. So DH just noticed and said either DD is turning 4 or DS is turning 2. Lol. So mean!

6) I keep wanting to call the baby, DS because he makes the same poo face, the same expressions, and has the same face!! So cute and so confusing!

7) Also, DS tried to give DS2 some cars for him to play with. DD tried to give DS2 a peacock to play with. They are so sweet.

8) DS2 could push up and turn his head the first night.

9) I put a hairclip in DD’s hair and she said, “漂亮! (Pretty!)” So cute! So vain! Haha. But what else is she supposed to think when we call her pretty girl nonstop?

10) DD was mad that I was leaving their room. I said, “I love you!” And she said, “No love you!” Lol.

11) DS asked me to make him a new track. But he wanted to watch the iPad. So he told me I could do it all by myself.

12) DH took the kids to the park and DD said, “Watch out! DD fast!”

13) DS doesn’t know how to say “road” in English so he keeps saying things like, “I have to put the car back on the 馬路 (road)!” I don’t know why I find it so funny.

14) I was making 7 burritos for DH’s lunches. DS was upset because he didn’t want DH to eat so many. Said his tummy would hurt.

15) DS and DD were each arguing that they are funny. “I funny!” “No, I funny!” When I said they were both funny, they both laughed their fake laugh.

16) DS keeps singing 哈哈笑, 火車快飛, and 小猴子. I think he misses school.

17) The kids have started to answer, “Maybe.” when we ask them questions. I don’t think they know what it means. But it sure amuses me.

18) I love the way DD says, “Yeah!”

19) The other day, DS2 simultaneously spat up and pooped while on the boob. Poor DS2 seemed very startled.

20) DD put herself to sleep (during nap time) watching iphone with DS. Best mom ever.

21) After a month of of school, we dropped DS off on Tuesday. DD stared crying because she missed DS. She said she wanted to go to school, too.

22) When I tell DD, “no” she will start to growl.

23) I love how DS will hide his cars and then forget and asks me to find them. :/ I tell him that it’s his problem but somehow, I still end up looking for them. Tricky little bastard.

24) DS saw a picture of Barbie and he said, “That’s a princess.” How the fuck does he even know that word? And to apply to Barbie?!

25) When DS2 was born, DS and DD only wanted oatmeal and milk. I think that’s all they ate for at least a week. Other than snacks, of course. Weird.

26) The kids like to use my bras to swallow up their cars and trucks.

27) When DS2 was just born and pooped muconium, DS was obsessed with the black poo. He still asks about it.

28) One day, DS lifted DH’s wallet out of his pocket. Awesome.

29) Took the kids to see Planes (their first movie). They had a great time. My friend told us to sit in an aisle. We sat in the front of the second section so the kids could get up and walk. I think this will be the last movie for awhile because their attention just can’t hold that long. Thank goodness for the tub of popcorn. Which we followed with Coldstone’s ice cream.

30) DS really loves DS2 and is always wanting to hug, hold, and kiss him. DD is mildly interested in DS2, but mostly ignores him. She finally realized the other day that DS2 was here to stay and threw a big tantrum. Poor little darling.

Ok. That should be enough updates for now, right?

In case you missed me, I’ve been out because I had DS2 two weeks ago today. I’ll have to write the birth story later, but suffice to say, our house has been topsy turvy in terms of the adjustment, but we love the little guy so much already.

Today, though, I want to write about how ashamed I am that I’ve not been more sensitive to DS1 and DD. 😦 I keep forgetting that they are real people (albeit, very small) and have real feelings that are separate from me. That not only is DS2 disrupting DH and my life, he is putting quite a kink in DS1 and DD’s lives, too.

It’s been particularly hard because we’ve had to go back to the hospital a few times for DS2’s jaundice and the older two miss me a lot. The kids have been very sensitive and any reprimand (no matter how harsh or soft) sends them into tears.

This morning was bad. 😦 I was super tired and cranky and already annoyed at DH. Then I had to deal with a bunch of crap for DS2’s jaundice and I was throwing pens and pissy and being a general jerk. Somewhere in there, DS spilled some milk and when I looked up finally and noticed him, his lip was quivering and he was about to burst into tears because he thought I was mad at him.

In tears, I scooped him up and started to sob. My poor boy. I never want to see that look on his face again. He is so small and so little and such a good boy! I felt so low and so small and so utterly shitty.

I know I am only human but all I could think about was how I am just like my father: violent, full of temper, and to be feared. I know it is not the same, but it felt the same. 😦

I still want to cry just thinking about it.

I just have to constantly remind myself that they are still babies yet. Not even four and two. They have been doing remarkably well.

Sigh.

I know in a month or two that we’ll all adjust and have a new normal. But it just feels so awful in the interim.

I just need to remember to give myself grace and to accept DS’s full embrace and forgiveness when I apologize. How he can still love me, I am full of wonder and gratefulness.

I think I will have to reduce my posting schedule here to once a week (most likely on Thursdays). I may have just picked up a small copywriting job, and then I’ll be having a baby, and then I have that other blog that is gaining traction, so I may have bitten off more than I can chew. HOWEVER, since this is my anonymous blog and where I keep my updates about my kids, I definitely want to continue some sort of schedule. *sigh* Sorry such a meta paragraph. Anyhow, below are the stories that you actually want to here.

1) The kids are giving each other time outs. DD keeps saying to DS, “Two minutes! Two minutes!”

2) DS and DD are each arguing that they are funny. “I funny!” “No, I funny!” When I said they were both funny, they both laughed their fake laugh. They are hilarious.

3) DD keeps drawing “dinosaurs.” Of course they look nothing like it, but it’s cute. I think she drew at least 4-5 today.

4) DS asked me, “What’s up?” I found it too funny.

5) DS told me this morning that DD was Chris and he was Mart (as in Martin) from The Wild Kratts. It’s because she was wearing green and he was wearing blue. (Those are the Kratt brothers’ respective colors.)

6) I find it so funny that DD will roll up her leggings into shorts. For some reason, it’s very comical to me.

7) DS keeps singing 哈哈笑 (Haha Laughing Song), 火車快飛 (Fast Train Song), and 小猴子 (Little Monkey Song). I think he misses school.

8) DS keeps thinking the baby in my tummy will be his cousin, MD. (It’s because we call them all, Didi, which means, “Little Brother.”) I told him THIS baby was HIS Didi. MD Didi wasn’t his. DS told me that he doesn’t want HIS Didi. He wanted MD Didi. I don’t think he understood. DH told me to explain it to DD – she would get it. That is both mean and hilarious.

9) Induction date is all set for Monday 8/19/14. SO SOON and yet, not soon enough!

The last few days, I’ve had at least an hour of labor (obviously, now, Braxton Hicks). It’s so sad how even though this is my third baby, I have no idea what labor is. I mean, I went through labor with DS, but that was 3.5+ years ago! And for DD, I was induced and had an epidural almost immediately, so I didn’t experience ANY pain. So, when I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes for an hour yesterday, I was a little worried. We had nothing ready.

Today, I washed all the baby clothes, put in the infant car seat, and got a bunch more stuff ready. (Just in case!) All I have left is to rearrange our master bedroom (and all the toys and books) so that I can put in a pack n play. That’s about it.

2.5 more weeks before induction! I think DS2 is getting impatient. He’s is kicking the crap out of me from the insides. I thought they weren’t supposed to move around as much during the end because they have less room? I don’t think any of my kids have ever gotten that memo.

Anyhow, if you don’t see any posts for awhile, I might’ve had my baby. LOL.

Until DS2 arrives!!! It seems so soon! But I almost done with my To-Do list so that pleases me greatly. 🙂

Also, DH started his new job this Monday. Let me just say that I’m floundering without him. I totally forgot what it is to actually raise children. My kids are watching way too much TV and iPad. I tell myself this is temporary and that I think DS went through this phase when I was close to my due date with DD, too. And I cut back and it was fine. *sigh*

Why is it so easy to slip into NON-parenting?

DH seems to like his new job. He’s been working late the first three days because his first week at work coincided with a big sales thing for his company. The kids really miss him and when he finally gets home, they are SO EXCITED to see him. I think it makes DH happy to see that the kids love him so much. They really just clamber all over him. So sweet.

DH is such a great guy, too. On Sunday night, the night before his first day at the new job, he totally cleaned the kitchen and tidied up downstairs. I asked him why and he said, “Don’t you have a playgroup coming over tomorrow? I just wanted to make it easier for you.”

He is a totally awesome man. I am truly blessed.