*sigh* I’m so sorry, little blog. I do not mean to ignore you. (Actually, I just skipped one day. Sorry!!!) To make up for it, I bring stories of kiddos.

1) This morning, DS and DD opened up the door to the garage, opened up the garage door, and ran down the driveway while I was in the bathroom. WTF.

2) I think DD likes coloring with markers just so she gets her hands dirty (she sticks her fingers in the caps). That way, she can wash them. She loves to wash her hands.

3) DD clocked me in the head this morning because she didn’t get what she wanted. This girl!!

4) I was discussing with some of my friends what type of business we should start together (FWIW, I think it’s a terrible idea), they said we should start a kids’ consignment store. But I negated that saying we’d have to have inventory and a place to rent. I said I should just be a surrogate and get paid $40k per baby. DH said he would punch me nonstop in the face if I did that. So I guess he prefers the consignment store idea. LOL.

5) I swear the kids are masterminding some type of thing against me. They keep setting me up with mutually exclusive requests demands. If DS wants to go right, DD wants to go left. If DS wants to watch a show, DD immediately says she doesn’t want that show. It’s driving me up the wall. I just end up ignoring them both while they scream their brains out simultaneously.

6) Yesterday morning, both kids were screaming and crying. DS wanted almonds (which we didn’t have – because you bet your ass if I did, I would’ve been shoving them in his pie hole just so he would STFU). DD wanted to eat a chocolate bunny – which I didn’t let her have. Then, they switched to crying because DD was so mad at me she punched DS in the head. (See a recurring pattern here?)

7) I asked DD for a 梳子 (shu zi or comb) and she came back with a 書 (shu or book). Chinese homonyms are awesome!

8) DS and DD were arguing the other day over whether or not DD was funny. DD says, “I funny!” DS replies, “Not funny!” Granted, at the time, she was insisting she was funny because she ruined and destroyed something he made. LOL. Totally understandable.

9) In related news, DD now thinks that she can get away with whatever she does as long as she smiles and says, “I funny!”

10) DS gets very involved while watching movies. He’s an extrovert for sure! And he’s a lot like my mother. “What’s happening? Why is he doing that? What is he doing? Where is he going? etc.” On Saturday, he was watching Ice Age for the first time and I guess there’s a part where a woman jumps off a cliff and he SCREAMED. Not just any scream, a full on blood-curdling scream. Because he was so worried. It was sweet. I think I have to really screen his movies.

11) Once, while DH was changing DD’s poopy diaper, DS asked, “Why does DD’s pigu (butt) change colors from black to red?”

12) On Friday, I overheard DH pleading with the kids, “Please, can you both be normal?” They were both crying because they wanted the same fork. There was nothing they could use the fork on at the time.

13) DD likes to wear my bras.

14) One time when DD was asleep, she started shaking her head, “No” very vigorously. I laughed because she is also contrary – even in her dreams!

15) DS climbed a rope ladder at the park and said he was Spiderman. He doesn’t really know who Spiderman is. He also talks about pirates a lot. But again, he doesn’t really know what a pirate is. Case in point, a few weeks ago, he called a hair clip a pirate that was coming to eat me.

16) DD mixes up her English and Chinese words all the time in an awesome Chinglish concoction. Instead of “不可以” DD says, “No可以.” (Which is No, you can’t.)

Ok, hopefully that satisfies you for now. I will now get to writing tomorrow’s post. 😉

Here are some more stories of the kiddies.

1) DS has been saying that he has a baby in his tummy, just like DH and DD do, too. Like Mommy. Because Mommy has to share!

2) DD likes to jump up and fall down (she can’t really jump yet, but she’ll bounce on the bed and then flop on her pillow) while saying, “Ribbit! Ribbit!” In fact, both the kids like to pretend they are frogs and jump up and down and yell, “Ribbit! Ribbit!”

3) DD thinks it’s hilarious to say she pooped when she really peed, and vice versa. When we are changing her diaper, we’ll say, “Did you peepee?” And DD will respond, “No, poopoo!” Or the opposite for the other scenario. It is hilarious.

4) DD and DS like to purposely make me choose between two things that are mutually exclusive. If DS wants to watch one show, DD demands another. If DD wants to go upstairs, DS demands to stay downstairs. I think they do it on purpose – to see who is the more alpha among them. That way, I have to choose – and whoever I choose wins. Or something. They are devious little children.

5) Currently, they are both obsessed with seeing pictures and videos of DS as a baby. I don’t know why.

6) Sometimes, when DD is crying or upset, DS will comfort her and hug her and tell her, “It’s OK, DD.” And go on to explain that Mommy will be back soon or that she needs to go to sleep. It’s super sweet. I love how they cozy in bed together, too.

7) It really makes me happy to see my two kids interact. They often play very well together and have very detailed conversations that I can only half follow.

We’re currently in LA but through the power of time travel, magic, and blog scheduling, I’m writing this in the past for the future! Every year, I make this trek and though it totally stresses me out, it always ends up being worth it. (At least the SD portion, my FAVORITE – which is yet to come!) This time, I am hoping it will be better than last year’s since I have scheduled more face time with friends than DH’s family. Is that awful? Not that we’re not going to see his family. I am just not going to go out of my way, bending over backwards to see them. Which makes me MUCH HAPPIER. And far less stressed out.

But I AM pleased that I made an effort to get in touch with more of DH’s friends. He’s the worst at keeping in touch with his college friends. The only reason he sees them at all is because I try to make sure he sees them when we’re in LA. I think it’s sad not to nurture friendships that have the benefit of time and nostalgia. Sure, they may be in totally different places now, but it’s still good to be around people who “knew us when.” so to speak.

Anyhow, this is a pretty blathery post because I still need to finish packing and finish a ton of laundry (well, all that’s really left are DD’s diapers) and me making sure my picky eater DS won’t starve and will at least have a ton of snacks. That’s the beauty of packing for a road trip in a mini-van. There is a TON of space. 🙂 That’s the only thing that isn’t stressing me out. Heehee.

****WARNING: Many Expletives ahead.****

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!! GAH.

When I talk to my mother, I swear to fucking God, I want to kill myself or her sometimes. GEEZ.

Then, I get sad and think, “What if my relationship ends up like that with my kids?”

I think a lot of it is that my mom, despite over three decades in the US, still can’t speak English well enough to convey certain things. Other times, she doesn’t understand the nature of how something works (like EMAIL) so she can’t articulate what she wants. Combine that with the English thing and DEAR FUCKING GOD, WHY???

Of course, I have minimal patience, there is a whole history of baggage with my mom, and she thinks I’m the incarnation of my father. She doesn’t trust any thing I say and if my brother and I suggest the same fucking thing, she will agree with my brother and argue with me. TRUE FUCKING STORY. She thinks any disagreement or argument is the fucking end of the world and that we will never get along and we never have and oh, woe is she, the sorriest mother ever because she failed to parent me well. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS.

I. JUST.

GAH.

Of course, I love her and we usually normally get along. (Unless she’s been totally faking it and is always on pins and needles around me and how sad is that – but that’s her problem not mine.) It’s just that sometimes, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY – *sigh*.

I really need to remember that everything that is easy to me now and hard for her will inevitably be my experience when I am older and my kids are my age. I would want them to treat me gently and kindly and not blow up in my face when I am frustrating or incomprehensible. Either that or I will find the one kid who is like that and ignore the rest. 😉 (Kinda like my mom now!)

*sigh* Now, I’m just sad and disappointed at myself. Character problems. 😦

My mother thought I was a Republican. When she said that there were two votes for Republicans in my house (she was including DH), I burst out laughing. I was in shock. “What?!”

How could my own mother think I was a Republican? Not that there is anything wrong with being one – but to so misjudge me!! Does she never hear the words that come out of my mouth?

And it got me to thinking how we sometimes don’t really SEE our family members (other people in general, really) for who they really are. We often see a mash up of what we want to see, what is really there, and what they want us to see. Have I been living my life in ways inconsistent with the Democratic Party? LOL. Not that I really give a crap about them, either. But, GEEZ!

And try not to panic. We are in the process of making some changes at our business (and by we, I mean my mom) and she’s really stressed out about it. Almost to the point of wanting to retire just so she doesn’t have to deal with it. Trouble is, my mom isn’t really the best with money in her personal life. She’s not extravagant, but then again, she’s not wise. Her house is huge and it’s just herself and just maintaining it alone is a full time job. Then, because we decided not to move in with her, she may have to sell the house. (Which she doesn’t really want to do.)

Whatever the details, my biggest fear is that she will move to Taiwan on a permanent basis. In fact, just thinking about the possibility brings up a wellspring of panic in my chest. If I think on it too long, I may just start uncontrollably weeping. I mean, I realize it’s not like she’d died but it still feels that way. She won’t be around to see my kids grow up and my kids will grow further and further away from her. I have almost zero relationship with my mother’s parents and although I had a close relationship with my dad’s parents, that also ended. Plus, my brother is on the East Coast and we’ll at most see him once or twice a year. Add my mom being in another country entirely and WHY IS EVERYONE ABANDONING ME?

Please tell me that my husband’s family is NOT going to be the family I see most often.

Seriously. I feel abandoned all over again (even though I’m a grown up and this is all hypothetical). Worse yet, WHY IS EVERYONE ABANDONING MY BABIES?

It’s not true but feels true. *sigh*

My SIL must hate hearing my mom tell her and my brother not to spend so much money. I hear from my mom that she tells my brother and SIL to buy things used like I do on craigslist or use cloth diapers, or whatever. And personally, I thought nothing of it. But today, I went to check out some used cloth diapers for my brother and he mentioned that she was a little upset about him buying them without consulting her. (The diapers ended up not being what I wanted so no harm, no foul.)

When I thought it over, I felt so bad for my SIL. Here she is, pregnant with her first kid, and all she hears from her MIL (my mom) is all this stuff that I do and how she should do things like I am. Now, I don’t think that’s what my mom means to be doing, but if I were my SIL, I’d be super pissed. Like, shut up already. I get it. Your daughter is awesome. She buys everything used and has everything figured out. Blahbity, blah, blah.

Truly, how intimidating and awful. Who wants to compete with that? I’m surprised my SIL doesn’t hate me and want to punch me in the throat!

Well, here’s the truth. DB (Dear Brother), pass this along if you think necessary.

I am not a great mom. I merely survive. I yell at DS quite often. I full on bribe him to finish meals. I allow him to watch 2-3 hours of TV/YouTube/screen time a day. I check Facebook a lot. I am often texting. I comb craigslist because I like to buy stuff, and if that means I can buy MORE stuff with the same amount of money, so be it. I spend a shit-ton of money on crap we don’t need. Sometimes, my kids eat chips or fries for lunch. I use cloth diapers because I’m cheap. (Although, the idea of my kids’ poop stuck in a landfill doesn’t really make me feel good. But I still use disposables!) I give my kids a lot of sugar. And juice. And stuff I never thought I would because I have stopped caring. (Kinda.)

I make plenty of mistakes. And truly, who cares if you cloth diapers or not? In the end, do you love your kid? Do you make sure they know it? Are they alive and fed and cared for? Yeah? Then good job. That’s really all you need.