A dear friend of mine has been trying for several years to get pregnant with her second child. Last summer, she made it to about 12 weeks before finding out at her routine ultrasound that there was no heartbeat. It took another year before she got pregnant again. Today was her 12 week ultrasound (where she was finally beginning to hope) and again, there was no heartbeat.

It is so sad and awful.

I am so grateful (and feel so guilty) that I’ve had two easy pregnancies and two beautiful babies to show for it. DH was so sad upon hearing of my friend that he told me to get flowers and whatever would help make my friend feel a little better. (Not that flowers make dead babies better, but you know.) DH was still so sad this evening when he got home and hugged DS super tight. He kept saying it was so horrible and that he was so sad and that we were so lucky.

Times like these, I am pleasantly surprised by how sweet DH can be. (Not that he’s normally not at all sweet, but I don’t know why I think stuff like this doesn’t affect him.)

So sad. 😦

Things I am supremely thankful today:

1) My brother chose ME to share a lovely secret the other day. It made me SO HAPPY that he chose me! heehee!

2) The wife of a very close family friend told me that she considers us sisters. LOVELY.

3) Even though it’s probably messing up DS’s sleep training, I love how DS will request DH to snuggle with him and cozy with him and fall asleep together in DS’s room. It’s sweet.

4) When DD wakes up refreshed from sleep, she has the most beautiful and radiant grin. It’s lovely. The smiles come through her eyes.

5) I got to chat with an online friend yesterday. Haven’t live chatted in years. Made me very happy. 😀 We discussed The Vampire Diaries because it is fun and fluffy and not at all serious.

As many of you fine readers know, I can be a very critical ass – most especially to DH. Many of you (and rightly so, I imagine) also feel incredibly sorry for DH and the other day, in the midst of mentally screaming at something minor that DH did, I decided something:

In the future, when I encounter something DH does/did that I personally find annoying, stupid, aggravating, etc. but the actual thing is, in fact, quite minor and more of a preference (ie: NOT life-threatening, negligent, etc.), I will:

  1. Refrain from pointing said thing out to DH.(Trust me, even though I don’t point out all the offending things to DH, I still point out a ton of them. It makes DH very defensive and he instinctively reacts overly defensive – even in cases where I wasn’t criticizing him. What a truly awful thing to make someone you love feel.) 
  2. Remind myself of something that DH does that I am grateful for and/or truly appreciate.Nothing nips resentfulness and seething anger like a little gratefulness and perspective.
  3. Pray for DH. Of course, no cheating and praying for him to stop doing stupid things. I mean, reallypray for DH – for his good, for his health, etc. Whatever he may need.
  4. Reflect on one of my own short-comings and pray for change in that area. I know. You are all wondering, “How could this possibly be? She is so perfect and so wonderful!” But it is not so! I have many faults – and nothing makes a person more gracious and compassionate to others like having a good and realistic inventory of their own deep, deep character flaws.

Of course, not only can this apply to DH, it can be universal – especially when it pertains to my mother, MIL, and random people who can just annoy the crap out of me. Since I’ve decided to do this, I have had to apply it at least once a day. I know. You are not surprised.

My other resolutions are not nearly as character building, but here they are anyway:

  • Throw a party once a quarter.For New Year’s Eve, I threw a party for a lot of my friends with kids and had such a great time that I have decided to throw a gathering on a more regular basis. I am always amazed that people actually want to hang out with me (I tell you, waiting for those Evite RSVPs is an object lesson on insecurity!) and every time my friends attend something I throw, I am humbled and reminded that I am not the only lonely person out there. That my friends with newborns (tons of them lately) are all craving to be around other grown ups (especially if they are friends).
  • Read at least five New York Times NON-FLUFFY articles. You know, in an effort to be somewhat informed about the world around me.
  • Read one non-fiction book a month. Because as much as I love gorging on Regency Romances and speculative fiction, every now and then, I should actually try to feed my brain.

That’s it! More than that would be a bit too much, I think. Most of them should be pretty easy and doable (as well as FUN and enjoyable). It’s really only the first one that will e very hard. But I suppose, that will make me a better person, too.

Wish me luck!