*sigh* I’m so sorry, little blog. I do not mean to ignore you. (Actually, I just skipped one day. Sorry!!!) To make up for it, I bring stories of kiddos.

1) This morning, DS and DD opened up the door to the garage, opened up the garage door, and ran down the driveway while I was in the bathroom. WTF.

2) I think DD likes coloring with markers just so she gets her hands dirty (she sticks her fingers in the caps). That way, she can wash them. She loves to wash her hands.

3) DD clocked me in the head this morning because she didn’t get what she wanted. This girl!!

4) I was discussing with some of my friends what type of business we should start together (FWIW, I think it’s a terrible idea), they said we should start a kids’ consignment store. But I negated that saying we’d have to have inventory and a place to rent. I said I should just be a surrogate and get paid $40k per baby. DH said he would punch me nonstop in the face if I did that. So I guess he prefers the consignment store idea. LOL.

5) I swear the kids are masterminding some type of thing against me. They keep setting me up with mutually exclusive requests demands. If DS wants to go right, DD wants to go left. If DS wants to watch a show, DD immediately says she doesn’t want that show. It’s driving me up the wall. I just end up ignoring them both while they scream their brains out simultaneously.

6) Yesterday morning, both kids were screaming and crying. DS wanted almonds (which we didn’t have – because you bet your ass if I did, I would’ve been shoving them in his pie hole just so he would STFU). DD wanted to eat a chocolate bunny – which I didn’t let her have. Then, they switched to crying because DD was so mad at me she punched DS in the head. (See a recurring pattern here?)

7) I asked DD for a 梳子 (shu zi or comb) and she came back with a 書 (shu or book). Chinese homonyms are awesome!

8) DS and DD were arguing the other day over whether or not DD was funny. DD says, “I funny!” DS replies, “Not funny!” Granted, at the time, she was insisting she was funny because she ruined and destroyed something he made. LOL. Totally understandable.

9) In related news, DD now thinks that she can get away with whatever she does as long as she smiles and says, “I funny!”

10) DS gets very involved while watching movies. He’s an extrovert for sure! And he’s a lot like my mother. “What’s happening? Why is he doing that? What is he doing? Where is he going? etc.” On Saturday, he was watching Ice Age for the first time and I guess there’s a part where a woman jumps off a cliff and he SCREAMED. Not just any scream, a full on blood-curdling scream. Because he was so worried. It was sweet. I think I have to really screen his movies.

11) Once, while DH was changing DD’s poopy diaper, DS asked, “Why does DD’s pigu (butt) change colors from black to red?”

12) On Friday, I overheard DH pleading with the kids, “Please, can you both be normal?” They were both crying because they wanted the same fork. There was nothing they could use the fork on at the time.

13) DD likes to wear my bras.

14) One time when DD was asleep, she started shaking her head, “No” very vigorously. I laughed because she is also contrary – even in her dreams!

15) DS climbed a rope ladder at the park and said he was Spiderman. He doesn’t really know who Spiderman is. He also talks about pirates a lot. But again, he doesn’t really know what a pirate is. Case in point, a few weeks ago, he called a hair clip a pirate that was coming to eat me.

16) DD mixes up her English and Chinese words all the time in an awesome Chinglish concoction. Instead of “不可以” DD says, “No可以.” (Which is No, you can’t.)

Ok, hopefully that satisfies you for now. I will now get to writing tomorrow’s post. 😉

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Here are some more stories of the kiddies.

1) DS has been saying that he has a baby in his tummy, just like DH and DD do, too. Like Mommy. Because Mommy has to share!

2) DD likes to jump up and fall down (she can’t really jump yet, but she’ll bounce on the bed and then flop on her pillow) while saying, “Ribbit! Ribbit!” In fact, both the kids like to pretend they are frogs and jump up and down and yell, “Ribbit! Ribbit!”

3) DD thinks it’s hilarious to say she pooped when she really peed, and vice versa. When we are changing her diaper, we’ll say, “Did you peepee?” And DD will respond, “No, poopoo!” Or the opposite for the other scenario. It is hilarious.

4) DD and DS like to purposely make me choose between two things that are mutually exclusive. If DS wants to watch one show, DD demands another. If DD wants to go upstairs, DS demands to stay downstairs. I think they do it on purpose – to see who is the more alpha among them. That way, I have to choose – and whoever I choose wins. Or something. They are devious little children.

5) Currently, they are both obsessed with seeing pictures and videos of DS as a baby. I don’t know why.

6) Sometimes, when DD is crying or upset, DS will comfort her and hug her and tell her, “It’s OK, DD.” And go on to explain that Mommy will be back soon or that she needs to go to sleep. It’s super sweet. I love how they cozy in bed together, too.

7) It really makes me happy to see my two kids interact. They often play very well together and have very detailed conversations that I can only half follow.

Clearly, I am the mayor of this establishment. Last night, right before midnight, I became absolutely obsessed with finding out when my infant car seat expired. Then, I got annoyed that my infant car seat expires in 12/2014. It won’t affect baby #3, but that means I will likely have to buy a new one for baby #4. Or scrounge around friends and see if their old car seats are not expiring until end of 2015 or mid 2016.

So what did I do? I spent over half an hour researching infant car seats for a hypothetical problem for a hypothetical baby when my THIRD child is as yet, UNBORN. WTF is wrong with me, besides the obvious?

Carry on, normal people. 

Seriously, I have too many of these stories just lurking in the back of my brain that if I don’t get them down soon, I will forget them.

1) One time, DD accidentally hit my stomach but DS thought she hit my breast. He said, “Mama, DD hit you in the milk!”

2) DD keeps trying to jump but unsuccessfully. It’s really cute though because she gets on her tip-toes and raises her hands in the air. Then she whooshes her hands and arms down trying to “push off” or take off the ground. heehee.

3) Last week, I had a total parenting fail moment when DS insisted on staying in his PJs and his pullup and refused to get dressed for school. I must’ve spent at least 20 minutes spanking him or wrestling with him. (Let me just tell you, a 3.5 year old who kicks and screams is really hard to dress – even if your husband is helping. We did not win.) He ended up going to school in his PJs. DH changed him at school. I was beyond pissed.

4) Lately, DD is obsessed with her doll. She feeds her, changers her diapers, gives her naps, makes her play the piano. She even gives the doll time outs! Then she hugs the “baby.” heehee. Well, I had texted DH’s brother the pictures and he had to ruin it by saying, “She’s becoming a little girl!” Because you know, girls only play with dolls. Not trains or anything else. FFS. I realize that he meant well, but seriously? That’s just fucking stupid.

5) DD had been saying, “Jajija” or “Jija” for vagina. Recently, it morphed into, “Gina.” Super cute. I don’t know what it is about kids saying the correct names for genitalia – it is HILARIOUS.

6) Now, part of our bedtime ritual is for the kids to talk to (but mostly blow raspberries on my tummy) their little brother. DS2 REALLY loves to respond to his big brother and sister. As soon as they start up, he rolls and kicks and does all manner of wizardry. The kids love to put their hands on my tummy and feel DS2 doing his stuff. So cute.

7) DS likes to quiz me on all the Thomas the Trains and the different engines and to see which tender belongs to which engine. He thinks it’s hilarious when I’m wrong. (That’s his idea of a joke – to have wrong answers.)

8) A few weeks ago, I broke another toilet seat. This is the 3rd toilet seat we’ve broken (I broke the first, DH broke the second, I broke the third) in a year. I mentioned this on FB and a HS acquaintance said that he always thought I had a “big booty” but “dayum!” Seriously, I almost decked him. (Well, figuratively.) I just hate it when people try and so fail to be funny. I would be mildly offended if it were remotely true, but I barely hit puberty in HS – I certainly didn’t have any junk in the trunk. But seriously? Who says that to a 7 month pregnant woman? ONLY AN ASSHOLE.

9) DD has been a holy terror these past few weeks. She throws tantrums and screams and is totally defiant. I just have to remember that DS went through this phase around this age as well. It’s just that he could barely talk so we didn’t know EXACTLY what was on his mind. We have no such problem with DD.

So last Monday, I bought a twin bed for DD and put it next to DS’s twin in his room (so it now forms a king). DS was so excited that he demanded to “Sleep together” with DD in their new big bed. We lay with them until the fell asleep and we left. But every night, we get less sleep than when the kids were sleeping with us because of several reasons:

1) The kids take FOREVER to fall asleep in their room because there is so much fun stuff in there and I get exasperated.

2) When they wake up in the middle of the night, I have to go in and lay with them until they fall back asleep. Of course, they wake up at different times so I have turned into a zombie.

3) The other night, DD was up from midnight to 3am. Thank goodness DH took part of the shift but we were both super cranky and tired the next day.

Finally, DH couldn’t take it anymore and he said we had to do something. So, back to sleep training. *sigh* Everyone’s favorite thing to do in the house. I looked up my Ferber book, briefed DH on the plan last night, and then told the kids that we were not going to sleep with them in their room. DS was very upset and from bath time on, tried to convince me to sleep in his room. DD didn’t really understand what was going on until we left the kids’ room.

Our method was this: I would sit outside their open door. If they came outside their room, I would hold the door closed for 15 sec (1st offense), then 30 sec (2nd offense), 1 min, 2 min, then 3 min until they slept or stopped coming out. (This is the schedule for the first night.) Needless to say, both my children were unimpressed and terribly upset. They are stubborn and screamers and it was NOT awesome.

However, DS gave up screaming after 15 minutes and went to bed. (He couldn’t fall asleep for another 45 minutes though, due to his sister screaming her brains out for 1.5 hours.) I think it helped that he has gone through this before – but mostly, it’s because DH took him on a 3+ mile walk today to and from a park near our house.

DD seriously broke our cold, dark hearts. *sigh* She was so angry her little arms were trembling and she would just stamp her feet. She tried so hard to get as close to the doorway as possible without coming out. One time, she strained so hard to reach me without leaving the room that she fell over into my lap. Of course, she also left the room several times and there were lots of door holding moments. Awesome.

Finally, the last 15-30 minutes, she was so tired from screaming that she just stood there, sucking her index finger and swaying because she was so tired. I would ask her if she wanted to go to bed but DD would just shake her head and say, “No.” So I would go back to playing Sudoku. Then, she would stumble because she was about to fall asleep standing up. I asked her a few times and finally, she yawned and her head slumped and I asked her if she wanted to go to bed. She said nothing so I scooped her out and before her head even hit the pillow, she was out.

Since I’m writing this on Monday night, we’ll see how the night-wakings go. We get to repeat this until they learn to sleep on their own. YAY!

1) It’s always fun to hear DS or DD tell the other almost word for word what I lecture them on a daily basis. A few days ago, DS gave DD something and then proceeded to say, “Say ‘Thank you, 哥哥 (big brother)!'”

2) When I tell DD to clean up, she waits and stalls until DS gets impatient and does it for her. LOL. She thinks she’s so smart. Poor DS. Already doing his sister’s bidding. Unfortunately, I still make her clean up stuff and when she refuses, she gets put in time out.

3) DS took out his balance bike the other evening and his friend, V, told him that she had one in her garage, too. Then she asked DS if she could ride his bike. He said, “No. You go home and ride YOUR bike, ok?”

4) I gave DD a cookie and she said, “兩個 (two)!” I’m just impressed she knew the difference between 1 and 2. LOL.

I know most of you only read this blog for the kiddo updates. LOL. I understand. I find my own life boring, too. The kids are much more interesting.

1) The other night while settling down for bed, DS kept saying, “The lion is coming! The lion is coming! It’s in the room! It’s behind you!” DD got very worried and kept asking about the lion. She really thought there was a lion coming into our room. I finally had to pretend to “eat” the lion so she wouldn’t get upset. Then, DS switched to alligators, birds, dogs, dinosaurs, etc. Funny enough, DD was not worried about those. Only the lion. She was actually excited about a dinosaur being in the room. LOL.

2) Last week, when I got out of the bathroom, I found both kids on top of the dresser in DS’s room. They had pushed step stools next to it and climbed on top, happy and proud of themselves. They were not happy after Mommy found them. We have to get that thing stabilized with dresser latches. I have them. Just have to put them on. OOOH!! Put that on the To-Do list!!

3) During our drive up to Sacramento, DS kept demanding juice even though I didn’t have any. So, of course, he starts throwing a fit. DD kept saying, “Water? Water?” and trying to offer DS a bottle of water. Adorbs. (DD, that is. DS, not so much.)

4) What I love to see now is that the kids actually have conversations with each other. DS tries to help DD with things. Trades toys with her. Tries to convince her to do stuff he wants to do. DD copies DS and also tries to talk to him. They are adorable.

5) DD is also going through a phase where she insists on seeing videos of herself. Pictures are also acceptable. But mostly, she wants to see her videos. A lot like DS was at her age. 😀