And try not to panic. We are in the process of making some changes at our business (and by we, I mean my mom) and she’s really stressed out about it. Almost to the point of wanting to retire just so she doesn’t have to deal with it. Trouble is, my mom isn’t really the best with money in her personal life. She’s not extravagant, but then again, she’s not wise. Her house is huge and it’s just herself and just maintaining it alone is a full time job. Then, because we decided not to move in with her, she may have to sell the house. (Which she doesn’t really want to do.)

Whatever the details, my biggest fear is that she will move to Taiwan on a permanent basis. In fact, just thinking about the possibility brings up a wellspring of panic in my chest. If I think on it too long, I may just start uncontrollably weeping. I mean, I realize it’s not like she’d died but it still feels that way. She won’t be around to see my kids grow up and my kids will grow further and further away from her. I have almost zero relationship with my mother’s parents and although I had a close relationship with my dad’s parents, that also ended. Plus, my brother is on the East Coast and we’ll at most see him once or twice a year. Add my mom being in another country entirely and WHY IS EVERYONE ABANDONING ME?

Please tell me that my husband’s family is NOT going to be the family I see most often.

Seriously. I feel abandoned all over again (even though I’m a grown up and this is all hypothetical). Worse yet, WHY IS EVERYONE ABANDONING MY BABIES?

It’s not true but feels true. *sigh*