The restraining order was approved (it’s automatic when the guy doesn’t show up) and all we have to do is serve the order and it becomes in full effect. Of course, there are a lot of other minor details, but that’s the gist! Turns out that other than my case and my co-worker’s case, he was on the docket under an alias with ANOTHER person. After the hearing, the clerk told us that he is well-known at the office. Apparently, my stalker is completely off his medication, smells because he is homeless, and is in the habit of constantly suing normal people (including his own mother).

It makes me sad. If ever, God forbid, something like this affected one of my children, you can be damn sure I’d somehow find a way to make them take their medication. However, I do have to acknowledge that sometimes, you just have to let go because there isn’t anything else you can do. 😦

On another note, since we were the last case to be heard, we got to witness our justice system (small claims and civil suit style) at work! Utterly fascinating. Our judge was a particularly compassionate judge. He seemed to recognize that many people just wanted to be heard and gave the folks quite a long leash to just blab. He said he had the highest settlement percentage among that particular court (~90%) and it was usually much lower (~40%?). I learned that judgments against a defendant goes on the defendant’s credit report for ten years. Plus, just because there is a judgment, the plaintiff still has to collect. So, it is better for all parties if they can settle on an agreeable amount vs. having a judge mandate something.

He reminded me of Solomon. Wise and funny and casual. The judge seemed to care about the people themselves and tried valiantly (and patiently) to get folks to settle and resolve problems vs. just passing out judgments (and not caring whether or not the situation gets solved on a personal matter). The judge made me very happy. 🙂

Also, I think it would be really weird to constantly have to do your job in front of an audience. The judge and the other court members filled out paperwork, answered phones, looked up things, etc. all in front of us while court was in session. Weird. All in all, this experience gave me faith in our judicial system (even though it is a bit convoluted).

I apologize to all the women I have ever judged for not getting restraining orders on crazy people who have threatened them. It is hard. And scary. And confusing. I am college-educated, with many resources of family and friends willing to watch my kids, and I have the benefit of not having to work. How would a less wealthy, single mom who has to work and doesn’t have friends or families or resources even do this? The window to file a restraining order is from 1:30-3pm. Are you kidding me? Who can do that unless they take off work?

Even navigating the court website was confusing and I was terribly unsure of whether or not I had the right forms, etc. I think I was also a little too overwhelmed and frazzled because now that I’ve actually gone to court and spoken with a real person (I tried to call but was stuck in automated hell), it doesn’t seem as horrible.

However, as I am filling out the forms, it seems very stupid. I think the Temporary Restraining Order form that I’m filling out actually GIVES this guy my kids’ names and my address!! I mean, if he didn’t know where I lived (I put down my work address) or who my family members were before, HE DOES NOW. Even their full names and ages!! On the one hand, I suppose if he’s going to be restrained from approaching people, he has to know who they are. HOWEVER, that doesn’t make ME feel any better! And if I don’t put them on the order, and he eventually DOES approach them, I can’t do anything about it!!

This is such a fucking Catch-22.

I’m going to a lawyer tomorrow and hopefully, they can figure this shit out. This is much scarier than I thought.

On the bright side, I finally listened to this crazy guy’s voice mails he left for me at work. If I just play these in court, I’m pretty sure he’ll be restrained. Dear Lord, at least he’s polite and not violent – but definitely NOT normal sounding. Plus, he thinks that I want something more than a platonic relationship with him – which is IMPOSSIBLE SINCE I HAVEN’T TALKED TO HIM (IF THAT) SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

*sigh* Sorry for the capslock frenzy again. This does bother me more than I thought. Did I mention that the guy SHOWED UP AT MY OFFICE on Friday?

*sigh* Again. Sorry. 😦

I was going to post more in detail about today, but I’m too emotionally exhausted. The crazy guy (CG) came to my office this morning and my coworker, in an attempt to reason with CG, revealed that I have children. Thankfully, my friends and family have rallied and offered support and company and babysitting as I am figuring out how to file a restraining order. (Incidentally, much harder and more overwhelming than I ever thought.)

We are safe and DH is coming home after midnight from a business trip. I’ll keep you all posted.

So, I totally stalk some of my exes online. One of my exes, I can find practically nothing on. Somehow, that just fuels my insanity. This last binge of Googling, I found an old article about him from high school (I had known about a particular incident so I Googled for that) and finally, found a profile that could be his on LinkedIn. (I even messaged him there, but I doubt it will come to anything. It looks like he last updated it years ago.)

Is that weird? Or creepy? I must admit, with this particular ex, I’m just curious as to what happened to him. I don’t particularly find him attractive anymore, nor do I think what we had was good. I’m just super-curious. And of course, the fact that he seems to have zero presence online only makes me want to find out MORE. Perhaps he’s in prison. (But then, wouldn’t that show up on public record?) I think that’s what I find so odd. In this day and age, where everyone and their grandmother seems to have a Facebook profile, where is his? How can he just have disappeared? (Or are my skills just not very good?)

As for other exes, there are ones that I’m still “friends” with. I see their profiles online and can’t help but compare my life with theirs. I want mine to be bigger and better. I compare our kids and our friends and our lives. Now granted, some exes that I actually still like and think are great people, the comparisons don’t usually veer into competitive territory. But other exes, I get very petty. Down to whose kids are more attractive, talented and smart. (Of course, MINE win. Need you even ask?) Although I do not wish them ill, I don’t exactly wish them well, either. (What an utterly horrible reflection of my character that is. And even now, I’m only upset that it reflects badly on me – not that the behavior is so bad. hahaha. Terrible!)

I think a lot of it is because I didn’t get the right closure with this ex. The sad truth is, I will never get it – and I don’t think I should go out of my way to get it. Closure is something made up. People rarely ever have it. I even still have nightmares that feature this ex in them. We were close to getting engaged (even starting pre-engagement counseling. How’s that for stupid?) and I left him for DH (who I thought would be a fling and then I’d get back together with him). The nightmares often have me and the ex still together (once, we were about to get married) and I am just haunted throughout the dream that something is terribly wrong but I can’t figure out what. That I’m not supposed to be with this guy and/or have these kids. It’s surreal and always bothers me at least a little bit after I wake up.

In fact, this is one of my recurring nightmares. Other recurring nightmares involve the typical:

1) I’m about to take a final in a class that I’ve never taken/haven’t attended/didn’t even know I was in school.

2) I’m about to get murdered/raped/assaulted (although, I’ve since stopped having this dream).

3) I’m driving somewhere and I get totally lost, am on the wrong side of the road, feel like I’m going to swerve and fall off a bridge/cliff/canyon. (Often, this dream features a map showing our progress, Indiana Jones style.)

4) I’m in the middle of a colorguard/marching band competition/show/parade and I have no idea what I’m doing or I don’t remember the routine. (This is very similar to #1.)

5) I’m with my ex and we’re getting/are married/together, etc. and just living life and I feel a constant sense that something is wrong and weird and it shouldn’t be.

6) Something terrible (death/illness/injury) happens to DS and when I wake up, it always takes me a few moments to recover. Sometimes it makes me weep when I wake up.

Anyhow, I find it somewhat amusing that a post that began about my exes quickly devolved into one about nightmares. Make of that as you will.